And he pulls up a picture of a baby, but from like the forties like an old photo of a baby. “I'm walking down the street with a friend of mine, not to brag, and he has a cell phone with him. They don't know I'm only using blanks.” 4 Dana Gould “I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. If you're in here tonight and you have never contemplated murder…you've never been divorced.” 5 Emo Phillips “If you are in here tonight and you have never contemplated suicide…you've never truly been in love.
‘I didn't wanna get wet!’ I yelled at his mother at the funeral.” He was a show-off, and he tried to spray us. Some of you aren't laughing we all miss your cousin, but not laughing's not gonna bring him back. Because you forget, you need gas to turn. You can't! They're so awesome, it's just throttle. Have you ever seen a sad person on a WaveRunner? Have you? Seriously, have you? Try to frown on a WaveRunner. Uh, do you live in America? 'Cause it buys a WaveRunner. Neither is Taco Bell, but that doesn't stop us!” Play 7 Daniel Tosh People be like, ‘Dude that doesn't mean that you can eat people. Six drinks I'm like, ‘What flavor is your Chapstick? Empty your pockets right now!’ I have like four drinks and then I'm like, ‘I need pizza now!’įive drinks I'm like, ‘All right I got a bagel and mayonnaise at home.’ We've all been there, where you've gotten to a certain level of F’ed up and then nothing is open… I’m just saying after a certain number of drinks, you can't get any food and start getting a little creative! I think we all have our limits and I think Jeffrey went way too far with this. You know, I think if he had just curbed the alcohol issue, all the other stuff wouldn't have happened.
#Dark humor jokes tik tok serial
I didn't know anything about Dahmer, and yeah I mean he was a serial killer, and he was a cannibal… But mostly he was an alcoholic. Man, this is the longest Bud Light commercial I ever saw, dude. “You guys watch that show Jeffrey Dahmer on Netflix? I watched it. “If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I would just yell out letters.” 8 Drew Lynch I would think he would be in a house like the rest of the murderer's do.’” Play 9 Demetri Martin Every time I pull off, I can't help but to think, ‘I wonder if the murderer is inside the house. “You ever be with a woman you have to drop off at home… You pull up to her house, you gotta wait until she gets out the car, walk up the gangway, get to the door and put the key in the door, turn it… Then she leans back and does this and then you are supposed to pull off right? Stupidest thing ever. How do you live with yourself?’” 10 Deon Cole You know, you could be responsible for Phil’s death.
In fact, it may have made it more aggressive. Apparently, the simple act of you seeing him did not slow his cancer down. After someone dies, the following conversation is bound to take place.
“There are things we say when someone dies that no one ever questions. Have yourselves a Sherwin Williams Christmas!” 11 George Carlin Eat it! You wanna eat it? Eat it! Feed it to your dumbass kids, too. I’m saying let’s let them kill themselves. I’m not saying we should hunt the stupid. “There are enough of us on this planet where we can start thinning the herd a little bit. Did you know that when he was a kid, people used to laugh at him when he would kill turtles with a hammer?” “I just read the biography of the guy who invented Super Mario Bros. Cop said to me, 'You know you have to have more than one person in the car to drive in the carpool lane.' I said, 'Check the trunk.'” 13 Anthony Jeselnik “I actually got pulled over once for driving in the diamond lane. “Say what you like about the Make-A-Wish Foundation, they can work to a deadline.” Play 14 Doug Benson
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